My encounter with PTSD and Depression
“It was 2017 when all of it had started. I had failed in graduating B.Com. Failing the exams was a major trigger to me and more than that, the fact that I could have tried harder instead of giving up. I had started losing my appetite along with experiencing social withdrawal, hyper-anxiety, sleeplessness, and low self-esteem. As a weapon to cope up with it all, I began binge eating and soon gained a lot of weight. I ate when I wanted to cry, laugh, or whenever I felt lost. See, food never rejected me. My friends started picking on me for my pouch of a belly-that, to be honest, was so much filled with emotions than just plain food.
I travelled to Uganda when my symptoms started getting worse. In 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My symptoms got worse, and it came to a point where I became very aggressive. I started getting mad at almost everything, and yet I couldn’t muster the courage to open up.
One afternoon when I was with my brother, I became paranoid and broke down before him. I did not know that the healing process had started the moment I had let all the agony and emotions inside of me come out.
My brother researched about a therapist who was Deutsch but lived in Uganda. We consulted her, and she prescribed me anti-depressants. I was under Cognitive behavioral therapy for a long time.
Months have passed since I am on medication, though I haven’t cured, I have become a little less hopeless and a few more accepting of myself. Even today, I get scared and anxious at the sound of an alarm clock, honking, elevators, ringtones or any triggers that have a repetitive pattern, but I am trying and rebounding. I do not let my PTSD or my depression take charge because I know I am much more than that and no matter how dangerous it looks, I know that this life is not worth being given up.”